Imma Do Just What I Want Lookin’ Ahead No Turnin’ Back

Crush A Bit; Little Bit; Roll It Up; Take A Hit
Feelin’ Lit Feelin’ Like 2 Am Summer Night

I Don’t Care; Hand On The Wheel; Drivin Drunk; I’m Doin’ My Thing
Rollin The Midwest Side And Out Livin’ My Life Getting’ Out Dreams
People Told Me Slow My Road I’m Screaming Out Fuck Thaat
Imma Do Just What I Want Lookin’ Ahead No Turnin’ Back
If I Fall If I Die Know I Lived It To The Fullest
If I Fall If I Die Know I Lived And Missed Some Bullets

[Chorus]

I’m On The Pursuit Of Happiness And I Know Everything That Shines Ain’t Always Gonna Be Gold
I’ll Be Fine Once I Get It; I’ll Be Good

Verse 2:

Tell Me What You Know About Dreamin’ Dreamin’
You Don’t Really Know About Nothin’ Nothin’
Tell Me What You Know About Them Night Terrors Every Night
5 Am Cold Sweats Wakin’ Up To The Skies
Tell Me What You Know About Dreams; Dreams
Tell Me What You Know About Night Terrors; Nothin’
You Don’t Really Care About The Trials Of Tomorrow
Rather Lay Awake In A Path Full Of Sorrow

[Chorus]

I’m On The Pursuit Of Happiness and I Know Everything That Shines Ain’t Always Gonna Be Gold
I’ll Be Fine Once I Get It; I’ll Be Good

[Chorus]

I’m On The Pursuit Of Happiness. I Know Everything That Shines Ain’t Always Gold
I’ll Be Fine Once I Get It; I’ll Be Good

[Chorus]

I’m On The Pursuit Of Happiness And I Know Everything That Shines Ain’t Always Gonna Be Gold; Hey
I’ll Be Fine Once I Get It; Yeah; I’ll Be Good

I’m On The Pursuit Of Happiness
And I Know Everything That Shines Ain’t Always Gonna Be Gold; Hey
I’ll Be Fine Once I Get It; Yeah
I’ll Be Good

Pursuit Of Happiness; Yeah
I Don’t Get It; I’ll Be Good

new year. new gear.

Its been just a few days into the New Year and I feel like I've learned over a decades worth of knowledge. Id like to be taking on a lighter perspective on things- as this past year was so difficult and challenging, but seems as though the world would have it differently. Today I had a good conversation with a friend. It left me a bit shaken because it yet again revealed to me that life isn't as perfect as you thought it was when you're younger. My friend recently just had a baby and is petrified that she won't bring him up right because her and her mother don't speak anymore. There are things that I would make sure I wouldn't do that my mom did, but there is no way to predict how someone is going to turn out or what experiences are going to change them. All I could tell her is to love. Which I think is the key to anything, even though it has been misused or abused so many times.

I've been struggling for the last three years with this - being able to have an open heart, knowing when to trust. But as I've seen in the last year I have more problems when I don't open up than when I do. Some one once told me this "Love is simply an open heart. You know that all the other things (truth, compassion, sincerity, wisdom, happiness, kindness, patience, understanding etc.) are all just part and parcel of the human heart. It is all natural, already there, waiting to be OPENED....Anxiety and frustration and regret come from resistance, imagined expectations." Only up until a couple weeks ago did I truly understand this- because I experienced it- with out trust and confidence and being open, nothing can move forward. Its hard for me to do- probably hard for anyone to- but it feels so good when you can with someone you truly love and care about, knowing that that person knows you deepest feelings- desires and fears its something so valuable.

on a lighter note, im getting really awesome at super mario. what what!

i love old people!

today i was getting my ticket for the train and an elderly gentleman came up to me to ask if I could help with buying his ticket. He was SO cute!!! He had a roll of quarters in his hands, wearing a light blue sweater, jeans and sneakers. heh. Anyway I helped him get his ticket and put the quarters in, while he was doing that he said " I wish I could get money this fast!" Then we walked upstairs together and he's said, " oh wow! what a great day" I laughed and said, "yeah, its beautiful." When the train came up he walked over to a different cart than me because he "didn't want to go backwards" it was nice.

becoming love.

Today I was wandering around on the web and ran across j.m's new website/blog and it moved me to want to start my own blog. There is something very therapeutic about writing - and therapue is what i need at the moment. 

So I'll start of the same way Mr. Mayer started: Set my goals. (some of his goals are the same as mine)

I want to use this blog to truly tell you who I am. 
I don't want to link to someone else's culture, that says nothing about me that I want you to know. 

I want to be happier in the present than outside of it. 
I want to be fearless and remember not to compromise a thing. 

I want to be the light of someone's life.

I want to put in 100% of my self  into all the things I'm involved with.

Two things I'll be acknowledging more from now on:
1. Thank you. 
2. I am lucky. 

I want to be love.

just a designer

Today, I met the head and owner of  D Mag. I was a bit nervous because I had heard various things about him. We were waiting for the Monday Morning announcements to start and he came up to me. Shook my hand and said he has not met me yet. I told him my name, he repeated it and kind of  looked at me funny. Then he asked what I did in his office. I told him I work in the Advertising department. "Well what do you do in the Advertising Department?", he asked. 

 I responded nervously- "I'm just a designer. " 

He said, " Just a designer? Thats not how we think of ourselves here." ... and then walked of.

Lesson learned. 

I am not just a designer.