new year. new gear.

Its been just a few days into the New Year and I feel like I've learned over a decades worth of knowledge. Id like to be taking on a lighter perspective on things- as this past year was so difficult and challenging, but seems as though the world would have it differently. Today I had a good conversation with a friend. It left me a bit shaken because it yet again revealed to me that life isn't as perfect as you thought it was when you're younger. My friend recently just had a baby and is petrified that she won't bring him up right because her and her mother don't speak anymore. There are things that I would make sure I wouldn't do that my mom did, but there is no way to predict how someone is going to turn out or what experiences are going to change them. All I could tell her is to love. Which I think is the key to anything, even though it has been misused or abused so many times.

I've been struggling for the last three years with this - being able to have an open heart, knowing when to trust. But as I've seen in the last year I have more problems when I don't open up than when I do. Some one once told me this "Love is simply an open heart. You know that all the other things (truth, compassion, sincerity, wisdom, happiness, kindness, patience, understanding etc.) are all just part and parcel of the human heart. It is all natural, already there, waiting to be OPENED....Anxiety and frustration and regret come from resistance, imagined expectations." Only up until a couple weeks ago did I truly understand this- because I experienced it- with out trust and confidence and being open, nothing can move forward. Its hard for me to do- probably hard for anyone to- but it feels so good when you can with someone you truly love and care about, knowing that that person knows you deepest feelings- desires and fears its something so valuable.

on a lighter note, im getting really awesome at super mario. what what!